I'm an adult? When did that happen ?!
"Wake up! You are 24 years old now!"
This was the phrase that woke me up on my birthday.
"Me? 24 ? I have reached the care free adult life that I was dreaming about in my school days!
Am I an adult now?" questioned my overthinking brain. Well it doesn't feel like it. I'm still me. The same short girl who gave her life to JESUS, having fun with THE HOLY SPIRIT, dreamt of changing the world, hi5-ing the moon, visiting the aliens every now and then.
I felt like I slept in my mid-teens and woke up in my 20's. Ok that just sounds old. But it's true.
Well ! The adult life is not so care free as I thought it would be! Bummer!!! The bubble breaks!
My overthinking brain kick started with a question that left me wondering about the past 24 years of my life,
"WHAT DID YOU DO ALL THIS WHILE?".
The same question that I've been asking myself whenever the exam sessions began and ended, even when my medical school of 6 years ended and handed me a degree of "M.D.General Physician" recently. But the questioned remained.
Because now all of a sudden I'm expected to look like, act like, walk like an epitome of doctor while there is nothing wrong with that, it was almost like 'Can't a short person be a doctor y'all?! Chill out!' All the bombarding questions of "You're a doctor? but you are so short and look so young?" scooped a bit of my confidence and dreams with it. Deciding to give all those caring people a rest, I observed my own peers to learn what it actually means to be of this age group and to see how they are dealing with all this drama. (Yeah! I looked for answers outside instead of inside my heart.) Stupidity but still helped me ask a lot of questions that set me off on a journey to.. (yeah! cliche!) ME!
As much as I admired my fellow peers showing themselves off to be so fearless and beautiful and bold strong women, I questioned myself if I will ever fit in there.
If I am to be honestly honest right now, Looking at my peers scared me!
I finally said it out loud! Yes! It did. This endless circle of showing off and craving for perfection scared me. It made me question my scars and flaws cause it looked like I am the only one with them including the questions about my height and colour. Yeah it was and still is a battle too!
Most of all the questioned that frightened me the most was
"AM I THE ONLY ONE FEELING THIS WAY?"
I'm still looking for answers to this question by the way. Cause I'm still looking if there is anyone who is willing to talk about it but then the light bulb inside me went on.
I need to figure myself out before I learn who everybody else is.
THE HOLY SPIRIT of God is just too amazing for words to describe! HE always keeps me sane and helps me see the truth in situations and helps me learn right from wrong and ask important questions like,
Does showing off perfection is what being an adult actually means? or is adulthood just overrated?
I always believed adulthood is not only when we have the power to help ourselves but also someone else but apparently we are now too busy to be humans.
I'm now being pulled in different directions between fulfilling the expectations of family, society, friends, myself and finding the answers to all the questions in my heart but maybe it can be done together.
Let's figure this out together and be there for each other when one of us falls.
With that being said, now What does this being an adult actually mean anyway?! 😅
This was the phrase that woke me up on my birthday.
"Me? 24 ? I have reached the care free adult life that I was dreaming about in my school days!
Am I an adult now?" questioned my overthinking brain. Well it doesn't feel like it. I'm still me. The same short girl who gave her life to JESUS, having fun with THE HOLY SPIRIT, dreamt of changing the world, hi5-ing the moon, visiting the aliens every now and then.
I felt like I slept in my mid-teens and woke up in my 20's. Ok that just sounds old. But it's true.
Well ! The adult life is not so care free as I thought it would be! Bummer!!! The bubble breaks!
My overthinking brain kick started with a question that left me wondering about the past 24 years of my life,
"WHAT DID YOU DO ALL THIS WHILE?".
The same question that I've been asking myself whenever the exam sessions began and ended, even when my medical school of 6 years ended and handed me a degree of "M.D.General Physician" recently. But the questioned remained.
Because now all of a sudden I'm expected to look like, act like, walk like an epitome of doctor while there is nothing wrong with that, it was almost like 'Can't a short person be a doctor y'all?! Chill out!' All the bombarding questions of "You're a doctor? but you are so short and look so young?" scooped a bit of my confidence and dreams with it. Deciding to give all those caring people a rest, I observed my own peers to learn what it actually means to be of this age group and to see how they are dealing with all this drama. (Yeah! I looked for answers outside instead of inside my heart.) Stupidity but still helped me ask a lot of questions that set me off on a journey to.. (yeah! cliche!) ME!
As much as I admired my fellow peers showing themselves off to be so fearless and beautiful and bold strong women, I questioned myself if I will ever fit in there.
If I am to be honestly honest right now, Looking at my peers scared me!
I finally said it out loud! Yes! It did. This endless circle of showing off and craving for perfection scared me. It made me question my scars and flaws cause it looked like I am the only one with them including the questions about my height and colour. Yeah it was and still is a battle too!
Most of all the questioned that frightened me the most was
"AM I THE ONLY ONE FEELING THIS WAY?"
I'm still looking for answers to this question by the way. Cause I'm still looking if there is anyone who is willing to talk about it but then the light bulb inside me went on.
I need to figure myself out before I learn who everybody else is.
THE HOLY SPIRIT of God is just too amazing for words to describe! HE always keeps me sane and helps me see the truth in situations and helps me learn right from wrong and ask important questions like,
Does showing off perfection is what being an adult actually means? or is adulthood just overrated?
I always believed adulthood is not only when we have the power to help ourselves but also someone else but apparently we are now too busy to be humans.
I'm now being pulled in different directions between fulfilling the expectations of family, society, friends, myself and finding the answers to all the questions in my heart but maybe it can be done together.
Let's figure this out together and be there for each other when one of us falls.
With that being said, now What does this being an adult actually mean anyway?! 😅
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